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Abusive Relationships

Love is a beautiful thing that every soul craves unfortunately not all love is beautiful. There are people who thought they had found the one only for them to have purple eyes and a bruised face. They were in an abusive relationship. Most victims in abusive relationships confess to having not seen the signs but the signs are always out there. The problem is you were blind to them because all you wanted was love. The abuser always gives signs subconsciously.


At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say the jealousy is a sign of love. He/she may question you about whom you have spoken to or seen during the day, may accuse you of flirting, or be jealous of time you spend with family, friends, children or hobbies which do not include him/her. As the jealousy progresses, he/she may call you frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. He may be unhappy about or refuse to let you work for fear you’ll meet someone else, check the car mileage or ask friends to keep an eye on you. Jealousy is not proof of love, it is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness.


The abuser may try to curtail your social interaction. He/she may prevent you from spending time with your friends or family and demand that you only go places ‘together’. He/she may accuse you of being ‘tied to your mother’s apron strings’, not be committed to the relationship, or view people who are your personal friends as ‘causing trouble’ or ‘trying to put a wedge’ between you. He/she may want to live in the country without a phone, not let you use the car, stop you from working or gaining further education or qualifications.

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Most of the times the term abuse is mentioned, we believe it is a man beating a woman but this is not always the case. Women too have been known to abuse men physically and emotionally. Men take it as normal for a woman to shout and nag but that is absurd. Nobody likes to be yelled at or being belittled. Many women have successfully managed to break down good men through emotional abuse; a cancer that eats him up. Men should also not tolerate abuse.

They use different terms to describe this behavior like nagging, bossy, difficult, strong-willed, tough, harsh, argumentative, “passionate,” or aggressive, which they always follow up with some excuse such as, “She had a really tough childhood. She was abused.” Lots of people have had less than ideal beginnings, but they don’t take it out on others in their adult relationships.


Men have been brainwashed into believing that it’s normal for women to be irrational, moody, emotional, and demanding.

Most men accept these behaviors under the guise that a woman is ‘just expressing her feelings’ and men are uncomfortable with because ‘men aren’t good at expressing their feelings.’ This is ridiculous. This behavior makes men uncomfortable, just as it would make most women on the receiving end of it uncomfortable because it’s abusive.

Men, you need to wake up and stop blinding yourself to the obvious.

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It is hard for someone who has been in an abusive relationship to trust again but that does not mean it is impossible for them to do so. It will take time for them to move on so that everything hat was interrupted can fall into place. Family and friends should also offer support.

Step 1

Give yourself time to heal. Recovering from an abusive relationship doesn’t happen instantly. After you end the relationship, you’ll need time to put your life back together. You may have many things to think about, such as housing, employment, child care or other financial issues.

Step 2

Seek support from trusted friends, relatives or a licensed counselor. Your self-esteem and overall confidence level may be severely damaged by the abuse you endured. According to Help Guide, it’s not uncommon to experience symptoms of depression or anxiety. Reaching out for help can be difficult, but you’ll gain relief, validation and support by talking about your experience. You can also start work on rebuilding your self-esteem with proper counseling. Ask your primary care physician or a local mental health agency for a referral to a therapist specializing in domestic violence issues.

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