People are incredibly complex and how they communicate with one another is a reflection of that complexity. we regularly feel misunderstood whilst actively misunderstanding. This all to common type of communication is not effective nor is is it particularly fulfilling and it is certainly not how it can be if you were to use NLPs advanced communication tools.
Now there are many reasons that this happens and there are 3 very common dominate ones which Im sure you will recognise below.
Flawed Reason Number 1: One of the biggest problems people face when tying to communicate, is they can all to quickly become emotionally engaged.
Now when I say emotionally engaged this could be positive like excited and happy, which is fine. The problems begin when the emotional engagement is negative which is unfortunately most common!
This at times highly charged emotional engagement can cause us to badly misinterpret the meaning of the communication looking to quantify and justify the triggered feeling.
Then pretty much all rational logical thought escapes us and we proceed to engage, respond and behave in a way we feel fits the emotion that we have created inside.
Flawed Reason Number 2: We interact using our own preferred style of communication we use the words terms and phraseology that means something to us whilst having no awareness as to how the information is being received.
We tend to be incredibly vague whilst believing we are being clear and concise or we drown in our own minutia being far to convoluted to truly follow. Sometimes we just dont connect, the words we use dont have any meaning or very little that would encourage, interest or engage the listener.
Lastly and equally as important we have Flawed Reason Number 3: We assume!! Because it all seems so clear, connected and justifiable in our own minds we simply assume, even expect it to be just as clear and tangible for the listener.
This unfortunately is exactly how we do it most of the time, these 3 reasons are mostly present in all out attempts to communicate!
And it doesnt really matter what it is that we are trying to communicate, from the mundane everyday stuff to the vitally important stuff, in-fact the as it rises in importance so rises our risk of misinterpretation.
Our relationships can be fraught, stressed and constantly under emotional pressure because we are just cant be clear.
Thus on the satisfying and effective, life fulfilling scale we are often scoring badly, but there is a much better way!
Teach the skills that are in the NLP Practitioner material is how we can help. Neuro (Mind) Linguistic (Language) Programming (Process), using language to effective influence the mind.
There are 2 levels to NLP which are the Practitioner training and Master Practitioner training both of which can help to increase exponentially the effectiveness of your communication.
3 of the most powerful things that you can learn to increase your effectiveness in all communication and interactions are
Lesson One: Effective Control and Utilisation Of Your Emotional States!
Lesson Two: The Active and Accurate Sensory Engagement and Awareness!
Lesson Three: Finite Control of Your Language, Using The Perfect Words At The Perfect Time!
Now this may sound a bit academic a bit to theoretical, rest assured it is easier than it all sounds.
And you can read more about it and….!
Changing behaviours and learning new skills may have seemed hard in the past but when you have a systemised way (NLP Training) that can guide you step by step it can be easy.
Change Number 1: Learning to control how you emotionally engage. Think about the times in the past when you have over reacted, notice how later on you can easily see other options, other ways you could have chosen to go if only you hadnt become negatively stimulated and emotionally driven! There will have been times, even things that are ongoing for you now where the options you are allowing yourself have built in self sustaining limitations holding you back, possibly driven by anxiety, lack of belief or maybe low self esteem.
Notice also all those times where you have gained a resolution on things and you can look back on them from a pragmatic point of view and it is easy now to see other positive options that could have been available to you back then, though at the time there seemed only two options a bad one or a really bad one.
State control is key to good decisions, a negative state will always limit you, break the state in what ever way you can, think of something funny, focus for a moment on something else even do star jumps if you want to and it works, but do notice when you create this emotional space, when you allow an emotional balance then your positive options will increase.
Change Number 2: Start by getting real! Reality is an illusion at the best of times, we want to learn to choose to see a reality that works for us. The way the human neurology works is that everything we experience is perception, we cant truly experience reality because reality is made up of significantly more data that we can process. We take raw data with no meaning and create it into something that can have a significant meaning.
Only NOW is real, and now is fleeting, every thing else, the past the future and all our options and possibilities exists only in our imaginations!
And it is our emotional associations both negative and positive that will play a big part in what we perceive to be possible now and into the future based mostly on what we believe to be true about the past.
What you must change is learning to take a moment, get some perspective on the experience without being in the experience, in your mind allow yourself to step out of it, to disengage any triggered emotion and allow a rational perception of the experience to guide any decisions you might make.
The final change that you will want to look to make is Change Number 3: Which for me is one of the most powerful changes, a true life skill. Learning to completely control the words that create the reality for yourself and any listener, actually think about and choose the words that best fit the message.
Words certainly do have meaning and that meaning will create an emotional response and that emotional response will influence a persons behaviour.
A pictures paints a thousand words, the thing is in communication it is our words that paint the picture. A word that may be positive or innocuous to you may trigger a powerful negative emotional response in someone else. Just because it means one thing to you do make the mistake of thinking it means that same thing to everyone else.
Choose your words wisely and they will get it, probably even enjoy it, choose your words carelessly and they will not get it and maybe even rail against it.
You have now learnt 3 powerful things about your communication and these powerful techniques come directly from NLP. You have learnt already that there are rules to follow that create a reality out of illusion. You have also learnt that there is a massive positive power that comes from controlling your state, only allowing yourself to use positive powerful states to drive your decisions. And of course finally you have learnt there is an innate power in how you choose to use your language. I hope that these insights have inspired you and brought you a clearer understanding of NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner philosophies.